"Youth is a gift of nature, but age is a work of art" - Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
Aging is a reality that many of us do not want to face, especially us women. Sure, many men also fear aging, but is it the same? I want to start off by acknowledging the pressure that women receive from the media to appear young. There are tons of products aimed at women to prevent aging, or "fight aging", as L'oreal words it. I wonder why the media instills so much fear about aging when it is a natural process. I found this image that points out the negative wording in this ad about aging. Instead it would be better to embrace age, especially since it cannot be prevented.
There is a double standard about aging. The media is not as hard on men about losing their youthful appearance as it is on women. A man can age and have wrinkles or lose hair and he may be considered more rugged, but he is not necessarily seen as less handsome or less manly. Whereas, a woman is much more highly criticized for her age-related 'flaws'. I have heard comments about the difference between men and women, such as men age like fine wine meaning they get better with time, but women do not. The first image states this point by saying that, "Men don't age better. They are just allowed to age". If this double standard exists, which I believe that it does, then men can grow old without any shame or the need to hide it, whereas women are much more likely to try to hide aging by buying various products. There is nothing wrong with buying products that make you feel better and I am sure there are some products that work, but I have a problem with ads and commercials telling women that they need these products. Also, I am concerned that some of the products advertised are either a rip off or contain harmful chemicals in them. It is important to read the labels and make sure that you are not putting anything in or on your body that could be harmful. The second image shows the difference between how men and women are portrayed in the media. George Clooney has visible wrinkles and greying hair, but Sandra Bullock looks the same as she did in the movie Miss Congeniality. I think this is an unfair portrayal of these older celebrities.
I also want to discuss the criticism over what older women wear. Here is a picture of Susan Sarandon showing off her cleavage. Susan Sarandon was shamed over the internet for her choice of wardrobe. Some may argue that it was not so much what she wore that was the problem, but the fact that she wore it to the sag awards. Sarandon was not the only person dressed in clothing that revealed skin, which makes me wonder if those who criticized her were more upset about it because they thought it was undignified for a woman her age. She is 69 years old if you can believe it. I believe that women should not be shamed for what they wear and I personally thought she rocked what she wore. After all she is a celebrity, and celebrities often wear things that stand out. Whatever your opinion on this may be, I think that shaming a woman for what she wears is unnecessary and hurtful.
I think there is no problem with older women showing off their good looks like Susan Sarandon has, which brings me to a broader point that women should be able to express themselves in fashion no matter how old they are. I think there is nothing wrong with older women having tattoos and dressing wildly. Just because a woman is 'older' does not mean she no longer wants to express herself and she has every right to do so.
My final point that I want to make is that there are positive aspects of getting older. Firstly, if you're getting older that means you have made it this far and that is surely something to be grateful for right? Also, who says that just because you are getting older, you have to feel older? I would like to think that there are some plus sides of getting older, like experiencing new life phases, having more wisdom, being secure in oneself and knowing what you want in life. The body may age, but you are still the same person. Tao Porchon-Lynch is an example of an inspiring woman who does not let age get her down. She is the oldest yoga instructor and has been on Dancing with the Stars, and has had so many incredible life experiences. I hope we can all learn something from her positive attitude about aging. I will leave you with a final quote by Mark Twain. Thanks for reading my post!
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
— Mark Twain
My questions for you are:
What fears about aging do you have?
What are some ways we can change the negative thinking about aging and help women embrace getting older?
What do you think are some positive aspects about aging that we could focus on more?
Do you believe that perspective has the power to change how one feels about aging?
References:
https://twitter.com/MajorCelebrity/status/693627730223443968/photo/1
http://womenonthefence.com/2017/02/07/aging-body-shaming-and-what-that-means-for-us-all/
https://www.google.com/search?q=old+people+dressing+fun&espv=2&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiv7q-L-Z_TAhUB_2MKHR0FCgEQ_AUIBigB&biw=1280&bih=648#tbm=isch&q=old+women+fashion&imgrc=BP8ib3gQf3wg_M:
https://www.google.com/search?q=negative+messages+about+women+aging&espv=2&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjM8dq7-5_TAhUKqlQKHX2kB1MQ_AUIBigB&biw=1280&bih=604
My fear of aging is not what my body will look like but what it wont be able to do anymore. Im scared for the day I can no longer pick things up or get around on my own. My skin and body can show my age but I hope that my perception does not. I think there is a negative thought when it comes to women aging, but its a business. Like mentioned growing old allows for the beauty industry to flourish. Media is the center of all that, so less exposure would help. Positive aspects of aging to me are experiences and milestones that come with age. I look up to my elders and grow from them. They have helped shape me into who I am. I hope I toon can shed positive light. I 100% agree that perspective is everything. Once one person is viewed one way it sticks until otherwise noted. Perception is a major part of who you are.
ReplyDeleteGrace, I love all of the pictures you selected for this blog - they are so thoughtful and perfect. Also, I love this statement: "In my opinion, beauty is not all about how a person's skin looks or how luscious their hair is but the radiance they project, and I do not think there is an age limit on that kind of beauty." And, this one: "Just because a woman is 'older' does not mean she no longer wants to express herself and she has every right to do so." Agreed! :)
ReplyDeleteWith regards to my own fears about aging, most are concerned with my physical capacity. I am fearful that my body will not be able to do what it can do now. I have also noticed myself become more preoccupied with my skin lately. I catch myself staring at this one wrinkle between my eyebrows or noticing that the skin on my body is not as firm as it once was. However, this has been a reality check for me. As much as I want other women to embrace and enjoy their lives as they age, I also need to embrace and enjoy my own aging process. And, I can reflect upon this blog post as I do that because you did a great job reframing some of the negative thoughts we have about aging in this post!
Great blog, Grace! I have felt the fear of aging since I was in middle school. I remember examining my face for wrinkles. I am less worried now at 29 than I was then. I can probably attribute this acceptance of aging and lack of control over it to my yoga practice. I realized there is no way to stop aging, so why worry so much about it? The most beautiful people have an inner glow and a sense of joy and I'll never get glow if I'm obsessing over aging. I hate how all these ads create fears in women of "problems" that they didn't even realized needed to be solved such as the relatively new beauty product foundation primer to cover up those "unsightly pores." I mean... isn't your skin supposed to have pores!? Everyone has pores! It's a natural thing... Women are badgered by the media to look perfect and then feel like they have to hide all their effort or they will be seen as vain. It's a very frustrating double bind. I also related to younger people pointing out my age a lot. The first time this happened to me, I was 23 years old. A 19 year old said, "Wow! You don't look like you're 23!" I remember being baffled trying to figure out if 23 year olds were supposed to look old.
ReplyDeleteTo answer the question about whether or not perspective has the power to change how one feels about aging... I think it can, but it would take a lot of work. I think in order to truly feel good about aging you would have to pretty much stop watching TV and reading magazines which fill our heads with impossible beauty standards. I think it would also take a pretty solid mindfulness practice of being able to be aware of your own inner strength and beauty. It would definitely be something that would take practice to feel, not just replacing negative thoughts or repeating some positive mantra. I think being surrounded by positive supportive people who do not shame you for aging makes a huge difference.
I really enjoyed your blog, Grace! My biggest fear about aging is my health. At my age, I have been able to stay healthy without too much extra effort, but I know that may not be the case as I get older. I try to eat healthy (most of the time), but I know I will need to increase my exercising especially as my metabolism slows down and health risks increase. In order to change negative thinking about aging, I believe the media can have the largest impact. However, how can we change how the media thinks about aging and how companies advertise their products? This is something that will not happen overnight, if at all. Aging has so many positive aspects, one of which is leisure time to focus on yourself. As you age, responsibilities to others, such as your children, often decline (although not always). As you mentioned, as we get older, we get wiser and have many more life experiences, both positive aspects of aging. I do believe perspective and having a positive attitude can be very beneficial as a woman (or man) ages, and that the more we embrace and respect the aging population, the more positive their experience will be.
ReplyDeleteGrace, I really enjoyed your post! I definitely agree that men are held to a completely different standard when it comes to aging - they don't have a standard at all. I love the quote "men are allowed to age". That is so true. Women are socialized that aging is a horrible thing. I think this topic goes to show how much emphasis is put on women's looks in relationship to their value and worth. No wonder eating disorders is such a problem and anti-aging products and procedures are on the rise. Women are encouraged to dress "sexy" when they are young and beautiful, but if they are considered "old" then that's disgusting. This truly hurts me deeply when I think about what it must be like to be a wise woman in this society. I, like you, look forward to having wisdom in my late years. I think we should always be focused on refining our inner selves because that is what lasts and improves with age. I try my best to take care of my body now so that I can hopefully avoid the many health issues that my family is facing in their later years. I do not care as much about looks, rather I want to be able to function and keep up with my grandchildren. I do not want to be confined to a bed or unable to walk by the age of 75.
ReplyDeleteGrace, I really enjoyed your post! Loved seeing a feature of the women from Advance Style as one of your images. I follow them and their inspiring messages!
ReplyDeleteI have fears about aging somewhat related to looks and at the same time not so much. To be frank, my looks have gotten me preferential treatment at times, but more than that I am afraid I will be “too old looking” to do things I love, like going out dancing without feeling embarrassed or ridiculous because I am surrounded by a much younger crowd. I am afraid that when my skin is no longer taut and my hair isn’t voluminous and a healthy shade of brown, I will be invisible, literally invisible. Perhaps I will feel beautiful on the inside because of the person I will have become, because of my personal and professional accomplishments, because I am loved by my spouse and children, my personality will still be youthful but society will no longer appreciate my careless laugh or spunky attitude. This is what I think is the overarching message on perspective on aging, I will undoubtedly not feel my chronological age, never have, probably never will. My body will remind me forcefully, but in my mind I will be forever youthful and that’s where our power lies.
Some ways to combat the negative ideas about aging and helping women embrace getting older as the statement in the blog said “ALLOW US TO AGE”. Allow for women’s hairs to turn gray, allow us not to have perky breasts and derrieres, allow us to wear shorts and tanktops if that’s what we choose to do. Allow for us to do things we love regardless of our age.
The biggest fear that I have about aging is that my body will not longer allow me to do the things that I used to be able to do or can do now (hangovers hurt much more now than they did when I was 21). It is important to me to be able to do everything that I can and the thought of not being able to because I am getting older scares me. I think that some of the more positive things about getting older are the experiences that you get to have and the lessons that you learn. It is not like I can go back in time and relive something so why not do it again now and do it the way that I want to. I think that too many people are focused on the outside and not enough attention gets paid to the inside. By that I mean that people take up so much of their time to looking younger that they do not value what getting older brings them; it gets over looked.
ReplyDeleteThe main fear about aging that I have is that one day will come when I am not able to do the things I do now that keep me happy. I am able to be on my feet all day. I am able to move quickly without hesitation and do my job effectively. Aging might eventually take those things away from me. But eventually there will come a day when I need to stop doing what I am doing. When I begin to not be able to connect with young people, I will know it is time to stop doing what I do. I believe perspective has the LARGEST impact on how one views aging. People who view aging as negative, will be depressed about aging. But people who view aging positively will enjoy the aging process and the changes that come with it.
ReplyDeleteMy fears about aging have to do most with being able to engage others and still feel the confidence that I now (most of the time, anyhow). I think that, because of everything you describe as happening to women's authority as they age, society kind of takes away most of our sense-of-agency when we pass a certain point or age and become 'old' in public perception. On a deeper level, I can't help but wonder if this has to do with any romantic relationships I might hope to pursue or enter into and how aging would impact them. Since women are trained that a romantic partnership is the key to 'happiness' or sustaining one's self, it wouldn't surprise me to realize that it is just that that drive my fears.
ReplyDeleteIf we want to rally and re-situate aging as a positive, I'd say the most effective means would be to look at the accomplishments that can only come with age, e.g. education, childrearing, having a long-lasting marriage/partnership, and so on. Aging, though, doesn't always necessitate that a person will have done these things, nor that they should feel obligated to if they don't want. Instead, maybe the accomplishments we could embrace could involve healthy living for longevity, positive outlook and outreach to others who aren't so confident in their aging, and the like.
Great post Grace!
ReplyDeleteAs I reflect on your post and previous thoughts I have had about aging, my insecurities stem from the potential loss in mobility and independence. I think not being able to do as I please when I want to will take a huge toll on me. Outside of those two things I think I will be willing and ready to embrace aging and the changes that come with it. It is important to remember that entering into older age does not mean your life is over. Often times we associate aging with death or other negative features. We live in an age where people are able to live longer lives and that should be celebrated. I believe Perspective has much to do with how people feel about aging. If you have a positive outlook about life and yourself (including inner and physical attributes) you will have a more positive outlook on the aging process.
Your blog post was great Grace! I loved the fact that you not only talked about wrinkles and physical changes, but you includes clothing and expression. I want older women to feel beautiful and youthful. A women can grow old and be comfortable in her own skin.
ReplyDeleteMy old fear of growing old is one day not being able to do for my self. One thing I do not take for granted is my mobility. I love being able to get up and go, be independent, and helps other as well. The thought of not being able to do something so simple as bath or feed myself, go to the bathroom as needed, or get dressed really terrifies me. Also, getting any kind of sickness or disease. I am into fitness and health so this weighs heavily with me. I will try my best to stay in shape and healthy. I've seen it in the flesh. My great grandmother is 95 years old.
I believe that perspective definitely has the power to change one's views on aging. One thing we could do to help older women be more accepting is by focusing on the more positive aspects of aging. Such as being able to be a mentor to younger people. The list of accomplishments that come with age. Being able to see your children grow up and have children. I plan on making my aging look amazing.
Grace,
ReplyDeleteThis is a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately! I have the same fears that several classmates have mentioned about not being physically capable to do the things I can now.. but I have another fear that I try to tell my self is superficial and I should get over it, but it is still there. I worry that I will age faster and less gracefully than my friends who are the same age as me. I really love to be outside but now I find myself waiting until later in the afternoon or putting on globs of sunscreen to prevent premature aging. I know several people in the their late twenties and early thirties that have started receiving botox and fillers.. I honestly don’t judge them for choosing to do that, but it makes me think how they are going to look younger than they really are- upping the standard for what the normal thirty year old should look like. So much to think about… loved your post!
I loved your post! This is very similar to the topic I chose and I honestly loved the images you used and the explain how women are being shamed for aging. Personally, I have recently experienced some fears that are age-related. I just turned 25 this past week and for some reason I started to feel worry about taking care of myself even more so I do not start looking older than my age. I realized that most of times, our beliefs and thoughts come from people around us and what have we heard about aging women, etc. The media without a doubt is a huge contributor to this topic. I think that my fears about aging focus on the things I feel I won't be able to do at some point.
ReplyDeleteIn order to change the negative thinking about aging is to first of all accept ourselves and more than that we need to accept and understand that aging is a natural process and there are a lot of great things that come with it. Once our minds and attitudes toward aging have changed, we will be able to set an example for all those little girls in our lives that might looks at us with admiration or as an example. I do also think that we need to create better regulations for the media in terms of what things are appropriate to publish and what things are not. For mental health organizations or institutes this should be something to be considered and put some thought into it.
I guess my biggest fears about aging would be my loss of independence and the loss of my friends. My great grandmother lived to be 107 and while she was still very independent, she had outlived every single one of her friends. She actually told me one time that she felt that God had forgotten her. Half joking, of course.
ReplyDeleteI think many of the strategies used to help girls and women manage life transitions include focusing on their goals and strengths instead of perceived deficits. We also know that media portrays inaccurate view of women, which is fake, so we must quit comparing ourselves to ridiculous standards. Staying active, finding a new purpose and maintaining social and support networks are also some ways that women can age more “gracefully.” I definitely believe perspective has the power to change how one feels about again. For example, my mother has not done many of the things listed below and her outlook is not as positive as it could be. On the other hand, the woman I interviewed for our paper has managed to do all of the things recommended to improve the aging process and her attitude and outlook on life are very optimistic. At 70, she feels she isn’t done yet and still lives life to its fullest.
For me, my fear is in what I will not be able to do and that I may have to be dependent on someone else completly, the loss of control and autonomy. I know I am not alone on those thoughts, many fear that but that is because what is depicted in media is the crazy old person and nursing homes. Grace and Franky is a new show on netflix and it is a wonderful depiction of the way your body changes, and women having to start over at 70 but it shows them take advantage of the opportunity and embrace their flaws. As with most things we have to use media to address those flaws but show people smiling about them or feeling comfortable with them but more than that we have to be honest. Much like with many women body changes, noone sits you down to warn you what may happen, not on a big scale with intention I mean. If women were honest and open with eachother about the weurd changes in their bodies, I feel they would find support and also ownership of those beautiful imperfections.
ReplyDeleteMy personal fears with aging are not being able to complete all the social and career goals I have in life and not being able to see grandchildren grow up and be an impact in their lives.
ReplyDeleteI think in todays times it is a lot better to be a women at any age and growing up. I have talked to women who have said they feel they are seen as a person, and hardly ever looked at as a female. I think this will help to build confidence for future women as they embrace aging.
Positive aspects of aging include wisdom and education that comes with time. There are certain things no matter how hard you try that will only come with time, and I believe that is one thing that will always set the older generation apart from the young.
Yes, I think perspective of an individual and whether they view the glass half full or empty plays a huge part on how people feel about aging.
My personal fears wth gang is not being able to run or exercise ...seriously! exercise is who I am and I fear that that movement will be taken away form me as I age. Positive aspects are wisdom, more confident in make decisions, and my children become my friends.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing Grace! I can relate to just recently coming to recognize age more just from other people’s reaction to my age. I think I fear not treating my body right at this age and suffering more as I get older. My Mimi turned 81 this year and she is doing incredible, but she doesn’t think she is because she can’t do everything she used to. I think it is healthy to recognize as we age we may have limitations but that does not devalue our lives. I am not as concerned about the looks part of aging but that fear may creep in the older I get (hopefully not!). I try to tell my Mimi and all of the sweet elderly women at my church how beautiful and capable they are. I think that is one way we change the perception of aging for women by encouragement. I definitely think your perception about aging plays a major role in your satisfaction with the changes that come with aging. Love that quote from Mark Twain…mind of matter can make a difference!
ReplyDeletePerspective definitely changes one’s concept of aging. A person’s perception is the deciding factor for how they embrace and handle their inevitable aging. I was raised by my elderly grandparents, so this stage of life is not at all foreign to me. Thankfully I am surrounded by people that have mostly embraced their aging, including a good portion of the women. Because I have a closer view of this stage of life I fear other things besides the physical aspects of aging. I am sure I will not enjoy seeing my body change as gravity takes a toll on my appearance. However, I am more scared of being able to take care of myself and having to bury my close family members.
ReplyDeleteDeath is inevitable but it is not easier to deal with just because people know it will happening. Dealing with the loss of loved ones can be an excruciating experience for people, one that they cannot recover from. Most family members I have seen go through this have been very resilience but it still takes a toll. I once caught my 80-year-old grandfather crying in the dark. When I went to ask what was wrong, I just looked down at his hands where my grandfather was holding a small, black and white photo of him and his brothers as children. Although he was the oldest sibling, my grandfather has outlived all of his immediate family, burying both parents, a stepfather, and all three of his younger brothers. It was then that I realized how lonely my grandfather was, being one of the few people left from his generation. He has outlived the vast majority of family and friends that he was close to. I am scared of loneliness and having to bury my loved ones.
I also fear becoming fraily or disabled and slowly losing the ability to care for myself. I have seen firsthand the effects of debilitating strokes and Alzheimer’s and it is heart-wrenching. No horror movie I have ever encounter has been able to scare me to that depth. I do not want to end up paralyzed and without the ability to speak, trapped in my own body. I don’t want to slowly lose the memories of my life and ultimately me, becoming a lost and perpetually confused person.
Bringing it back to women specifically, one thing that influenced me in my thinking of aging was the show “Golden Girls”. It may seem cliqued but it was inspirational to see women who were independent, laughing, and living full lives past a time that society tells you is possible. Through that show, I learned that aging itself was not a death sentence but losing your enjoyment of life is. I think women need more examples of women aging gracefully and unapologetically.